This is a personal story about two of my loved ones who were cremated. I share this as an example of the infinite possibilities of deciding to issue or keep the ashes. I hope it will help someone to see how every situation is different. The best decision is the one that works for you and your loved ones.
When my son, Cooper, died at the age of 19 months, my husband and I bought an urn and kept the ashes with us. The concept of releasing my wee boy was too much for me. I had every intention of holding him with me for the rest of my life.
California Sky Diving
My husband died 12 years later. At the one-year anniversary of my husband's death, I was ready to issue some of the ashes of both my husband and my son. I chose a corner on my property next to the street where a peace pole with 12 languages with the words, "May Peace Prevail on Earth." The garden in that area had roses all in full bloom. The names were passionate kisses, love's promise, peace, glowing peace, our lady of Guadalupe, and the Mary rose. After I had settled their ashes in the hole, my brother shouted and pointed towards the east. There was a hawk. It flew level towards us, circled over and then turned to fly to the north. Amazing! My husband was a falconer and my son was named for a coopers hawk.
It was two years before I was ready to issue the rest of the ashes. All I can tell you is I was ready. Nothing was forced. I think it was a part of releasing our life in Baltimore because two months after releasing the ashes I was ready to sell my house. A year later I moved to California to begin a new exploration.
The final issue was with a community of skydivers. My husband was also a skydiver from an earlier part of his life. A gathering was organized at a drop zone, a place for skydiving, on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. On the day of the release, I gathered things to give to the skydivers as a gift; Hurley's parachute and jumpsuit, pictures of habitancy skydiving, his log books, pictures of falconers.
My youngest daughter and I drove two hours to the drop zone. The drive was a trip down memory lane for me. I concept about how much Hurley loved the Eastern Shore and living on a farm where he raised dogs, planted trees, raised hawks and so much more. This was also the route we took for approximately ten years of house summer vacations at the beach and for the best milkshakes in the world at Holly's Diner.
When we arrived, the weather had changed. The climatic characteristic dropped to 55 degrees, overcast, and windy. There was a examine as to whether or not this would even happen. I had asked for prayers from habitancy around the world on my status line on Facebook.
As Harry, my husband's best friend, was talking with separate habitancy about the weather, I trusted that all things would happen at the perfect time. I released the need to operate this and opened to the possibility. The decision came back as yes. Because of the weather, they did something called a "hop and pop." Instead of free falling, they jumped and pull the chutes right away. Nineteen men and women of all ages went up in the plane and jumped. It was a quick dive, but I did see the stream of ashes, a compound of Hurley and Cooper. My guys, both flying free together.
At that moment, the sun popped straight through the clouds and you could feel the warmth of the rays. I took a picture of some of the skydivers with the sun in the background. It only stayed like that for a few minutes and then went behind the clouds. I felt gratitude for I knew it was a sign from them.
The suggestions I would offer:
1. Release the ashes when it feels right to you
2. Create a ceremony that is meaningful to you
3. Feel all of the feelings
4. Connect with your loved ones spirit
5. Look for the messages that connect you forever
When we scheduled this, I didn't think about the significance of the day. It was November 1, All Saints Day or the Day of the Dead. This is the day when habitancy traditionally remember their loved ones in Spirit and the "veils" are thinner in the middle of the living and the dead. And for us, they were.
A Personal Story of Grieving - Spreading the Ashes of a Deceased Loved One is an additional one Step in Grief
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